Milk & Cookies with the Akatsuki
by Weird Kunoichi
Summary: Deidara's the new guy and is having a hard time fitting in. A certain member takes a strong, unhealthy liking to him, unknown to Deidara. While he attracts all sorts of trouble, the man waits for a chance to make his move. Rated for language, yaoi & rape!
1. Bad Morning

Milk and Cookies with the Akatsuki

By Weird Kunoichi

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and the characters. If I did, there'd be more ecchi and shounen ai like nobody's business! XP

Chapter 1: Bad Morning

Somewhere in a distant and alternate universe, the rising sun was shining fiercely. It's rays determined to fight through the curtains of a certain Akatsuki member's windows.

The blonde man in bed shifted to his side and curled up, snuggling his hands between his legs to calm his raging morning hormones when he sensed something was a little off. Puzzled, he slowly opens his eyes, only to be startled by two glaring red pupils staring at him.

"Eeaaaahh!" he shrieks and kicked his feet, sending the sheets around his bare waist flying and falling off the bed. He yelps again at the impact of his bare bottom bouncing off the cold, hard floor. He aimlessly flails his arms trying to gain purchase but instead slipped against the silken sheets. Thus causing his head to snap back into the opposing wall and knocking himself unconscious. In his doings, he sadly managed to knock open the curtains, allowing the sunlight to fully enter the room and illuminate his nude, limp body.

The intruder peered over at the naked man on the floor, torn between the reaction to laugh hysterically or to freak out. His eyes twitching, his nostrils flaring, he bit his lips to suppress his laughter. Seriously, he had just witnessed the utmost comical thing ever since his joining the Akatsuki. He managed to stifle most of the outbursts and quickly calmed down to assess the situation. There was gaping hole in the wall and the man still hasn't moved yet. '_Crap! That's about 800 ryos in damages! No way in hell am I responsible for that!_' He thought, then remembers the reason why there was a hole in the first place_ 'Oops. I should probably see if he's ok_.'

The stitched man, saunters around the bed and squats down next to the still, naked man. He glances quickly over the man's body before deciding it's safe to move him. Sigh. 'Why does he insist on sleeping nude?' Hesitantly, he picks the man up, carefully not touching any sensitive areas and laid him across the bed. He pulled up the sheets to cover him decently.

He sat down on the bed and scoffed. He nudges Deidara in his shoulder with his finger, "Hey, wake up." No answer. He pokes him again, "Deidara." Nothing. "WAKE UP BLONDIE!" He was shaking the poor guy now by both his shoulders. Well, that can't be good for his head!

"Hm? Wha- what happened?" Deidara was regaining consciousness. "Oh my head!" Kakuzu lets go and gives him some space. "Shit, Kakuzu? What the hell are you doing in my room, yeah?" Kakuzu pauses, and then says, "How's your head feeling?" He rubbed the back of his head, "Eh, it hurts but nothing I can't mana-" he suddenly remembers what happened. Waking up. Red eyes. Falling. Cold floor. Naked. His eyes widened, "Tell me it was just a dream! Please tell me I didn't fall out of bed and pass out naked in front of you?" The look on Kakuzu's face seems to be answer enough. "Aaaaahh! What the crap? Get out! Get out you perverted old man! OUT!" He starts thrashing about, hitting Kakuzu's face with his pillow while clenching to his chest the sheets that concealed his nudity.

As he pulls back for a third strike, he felt a cable-like material wrap around his waist and the same around his wrists, slamming him back onto the bed. The sheets almost slipped off of him. "What the fuck do y-" Kakuzu clasped his hand over his mouth and climbed on top of him, resting his legs on either side of his hips. Bewildered, Deidara barely noticed how the older man's crotch was crushing his own. "Now that you've got that out of your system, please get dressed. Pain sent me up here because you overslept." His eyes were unblinking, his face void of any emotion. He waited a second before releasing Deidara from his bindings. He got off and walked out the room, closing the door silently behind him.

Deidara just lay there, he felt pretty stupid now that he realized how immature he had reacted. '_Of course! That's why he was in here! Damn it! Just when I was starting to get some respect around here, I screw up and acted like a child. On top of that I was hitting him with a pillow! ME! An Akatsuki member! Was hitting his comrade with a pillow. How pathetic._' Then he remembered how Kakuzu practically mounted him right now. But dismissed it as some sort of accident. Poor oblivious Deidara..

Moping, he made his way to the bathroom he shared with Tobi. He took out three toothbrushes from their protective containers and brushed his teeth. He put on his clothes then slipped on his cloak, turning to the mirror to fix his hair. Taking one last look, he lined his eyes. Sigh, 'What am I going to do now? Kakuzu had better not tell anybody!' With newfound determination, he quickly straightens his room and makes his way downstairs. Not noticing someone was huddled under his bed, watching the entire time..

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So how was it? I thought it was pretty entertaining. Actually, when I started this story, I had no plot in mind! haha. I just thought having a title "Milk & Cookies with the Akatsuki" was an awesome title! haha Then I just sort of started winging it! And this is what I came up with. I'll probably continue this one. I wanna see how it plays out.. Hmm, who was that weirdo under the bed? Any ideas? Another question! What does any of this have to do with milk and cookies?


	2. Destruction & Cookies

Milk & Cookies with the Akatsuki

Chapter 2: Destruction and Cookies

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the characters. Cause if I did, Kabuto and Oro will forever be joined through their genitals.

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Okayso, I worked seriously hard on this. To the point of passing out on my keyboard from neglecting basic necessity! lolz! So flame me, praise me, whatever. I deserve it! XP And a quick shout-out to the people who kept me on track! Hansolos (dear friend, inspiration and beta-reader) and Psychotic X (funny ass author whose stories gave way to more inspirations) and also a big THANKYOU to all my lovely subscribers and reviewers from my FIRST CHAP! AAWESOOME! Enjoy!

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All of the determination Deidara had built up earlier drained away as he made his way through the giant fortress in the mountain they called home. Freaking out and slightly winded, Deidara hurried down the stairs and through the long corridors leading up to the large meeting room, '_Crap, crap, crap! I've never overslept in my life! Someone must've put something in my dinner last night, un!_' He was dreading having to face the many and probably very angry men he'd kept waiting.

He took another turn and arrived at a grand and elaborately carved door, one of many, courtesy of Sasori. Pausing slightly before entering, he fixed his hair and posture. He took a deep breath and held it in for a bit, '_Ok, here goes nothing._' Exhaling, he opened the door and steps into the room, but the scene before him stops him in his tracks.

His blue eyes widen and his jaws dropped. The usually neat and tidy office was now a war zone. There was paper everywhere, trampled on the floor, flung into the air. Filing cabinets were overturned and the ground was wet where the water dispenser was tipped over, the five-gallon bottle missing. Broken parts of chairs they used were now scattered around the perimeter of the room. '_Hm?_' If he looks closely, it appears that something had pushed all the debris from the middle of the room to the walls. Like some sort of force created this makeshift clearing.. Weird. A loud commotion in the far left side of the room captures his attention and he forgets his train of thought.

"You'd better fucking calm your fishy ass down fishsticks! Where's your fucking sense of humor?" Hidan was upside-down, his ankles held by Kakuzu's cable tendrils. On the opposite side, also restrained by Kakuzu's cable tendrils was Kisame. He was scowling wildly with his wicked sharp teeth, "What? Did you think I would just laugh and be merrily on my way? Just wait fucktard, you're gonna be joining your beloved false god real soon!" Kakuzu looked like he was going to bash them repeatedly against the walls at any given moment. "You two just shut the hell up! Have you any idea how much costs in damages you two have incurred in less than five minutes? Fucking 1,720,000 ryos! Who's gonna pay for it, huh? Tell me! WHO!" He shook them violently, "Aah! Bastard, stop shaking!", they both exclaimed and glared at each other.

Oddly enough, all three men were dripping wet, '_Oh so that's what happened to the water dispenser_' Deidara figured. Hidan was using the five-gallon bottle as some sort of makeshift weapon, swinging it and gripping it by its neck. On the other hand, Kisame was grasping onto a broken fishing rod. '_Why does he have a fishing rod?_' They were still consumed in their dispute, apparently not seeing that Deidara had arrived. So he just leaned against the door frame and watched it play out, momentarily enjoying the show.

"You're late." Deidara's attention snaps to the opposite side of the room. He forgot that there were supposed to be others in the room also. He finds Sasori and Itachi casually sitting in their usual seats, watching him and the men with bored expressions. The large glass table they normally sat at was toppled over by the couch, shattered. Compared to the rest of the room, Sasori and Itachi seemed entirely out of place as they sat silently, sipping from their steaming mugs. He noticed Sasori had a plate of cookies balanced on his lap. '_Whaat..?_'

Sasori spoke again, "And because you are late, you've caused much trouble. Mostly between those three." He glanced back at the others, now engaged in a violent skirmish. Deidara watched silently as Sasori took two cookies from the plate and hands one to Itachi. They shifted their gaze from Deidara and dipped their cookies simultaneously into their mugs and ate. Dumbstruck, he almost didn't register the rest of what Sasori had continued to say. "I don't like to be kept waiting, and I don't like to keep others waiting. But because you're new, I'll let it slip this one time." Deidara didn't know how to respond to that. '_What the hell have I gotten myself into - grown men bickering and sharing cookies?_'

Itachi decided to contribute to the conversation. "We've gathered here today because our leader feels it's essential for us all to get better acquainted and to overcome our indifferences." He licked his fingers clean and clasps them around his mug. "But since he's not here, it has been postponed until further notice." Sasori nods in agreement. "So we've wasted our entire morning because somebody didn't arrive on time." They resumed snacking, ignoring Deidara and the three other men. "Well, i-" He was about to make comeback but his hand-mouths had started salivating and his tummy started growling. The sight of the cookies had subconsciously reminded him that he hadn't had anything to eat yet. Snapping out of his rumination, he wiped his hands on his wondered where the rest of the clan was since he didn't see leader Pain, Konan, Zetsu or Tobi anywhere. "Strange.."

Aaachoo! Tobi sneezed and sniffled a bit. 'Oh?' Tobi looks up and saw a flash of blonde hair. Gasp! "Yaaay, Sempai you're here!" Deidara cringed. Or so he thought. Puzzled, he looks around, but he didn't see the idiot. There was some creaking and a thought occurred to him. Cautiously he looks up, unsure of what he would find. '_Holy mother!_' Deidara was looking right at Tobi, swinging 20 feet above the ground! "Oh shit Tobi, what are you doing up there!" Tobi had his legs wrapped around the arms of the chandeliers and was swinging his arms, making the chandeliers swerve dangerously side to side. "Hey baka! I asked why you're up there, un?" He was starting to get irritated.

"Oh Sempai it was awful! Everyone started going crazy because Sempai wasn't here, so Tobi had to hide up here. Sempai! Hurry and save Tobi! Tobi doesn't feel too good.." At this Tobi brought his hand to where his mouth would be. Then Tobi's mask started to leak. It was streaming and splattering onto the ground in front of Deidara. He draws back in disgust. "Ack! Don't you dare puke on me Tobi! Get your ass down from there, un!" Deidara was frantically dodging the streaming liquid by now, which seemed as if it were following him."Ew! Ew! Ew! Ewy! Eww!" He was afraid he wouldn't be able to dodge it for long. "H-hai, Sempai! Tobi's coming down now!" Giggling, Tobi used his sleeves to wipe his face behind his mask and started to stand on the arms of the chandeliers. Wobbling, he cried out, "Now you see me.." He waved one arm in front of him, "And now you d-!" But whatever trick he was trying to pull he failed at when he slipped on the wetness. "Whu-whoaa!" Tobi fell off and headed straight for Deidara.

"Aaah! Caatch meee Seempaaaaii!" His arms were outstretched as if he were purposely flying towards the blonde. The mask was still dripping somewhat, and the droplets were trailing behind him, glistening like they were little crystals. An angelic chorus permeates the room, '_He resembled an angel, swooping down from the heavens to give Sempai a large, warm embrace!_' Well, at least that's what was going through Tobi's mind as he plummeted through the air.

Back in reality, stricken with confusion and panic, Deidara couldn't find the gears necessary to make himself move out of the way. So he did what any normal person would do. He closed his eyes and used his arms to shield himself against the incoming collision.

"…" Seconds later, he was still standing, unscathed. "Huh?" Confused he lowers his arms and pats himself slightly, '_I'm still alive__.._' He sighed, relieved. But now greatly confused, he called out, "Tobi?" He heard snigger's from behind him and instantly he felt wet fingers clasps over his eyes obscuring his vision. Thus causing the blonde great panic and seized up. Quickly Tobi leaned forward and whispers, "Sempai.. Guess whoo? Hehe.." But instead of waiting for a reply he pulled Deidara into a strangled bear hug. "Aww Sempai! Tobi wasn't going to crush yooouu!" Gasping for air, he struggled to pry himself from Tobi's death grip. He also had his hand-mouths assist him but to no avail. '_Why didn't I bring my clay today? Whyyy?_' He thought desperately, counting every second the unwanted contact was lasting and planning to blow him up exactly the same amount as soon as he got his clay.

He strained to speak, "T-tobi, ef y-you don l-let meh go ri-ght n-now, y-ou w-will be a v-very ba-ad b-boy, un!" It came out all wheezy and chopped but Tobi got the message. A horrified expression washed over Tobi's face but of course no one can see. Tobi jumped back instantly, swinging Deidara around to face him. "Tobi's sorry! Tobi didn't mean to get Sempai angry! Please forgive Tobiii!" He was bawling and shaking Deidara by his shoulders.

"S-stop it, you're getting your puke all over me, un!" He was getting nauseous from the shaking and the thought of Tobi's puke on him. "Oh? Haha, Sempai! Tobi got you! Haha! Tobi didn't puke! It was just water, see?" At this he pulled out a crushed and empty water bottle. Now that the shaking has ceased, Deidara could focus his sight and laid eyes on the said bottle.

Realizing he's been had, his vein bulged dangerously on his forehead and his eye started twitching. The fists down by his sides were tight and trembling. A murderous intent clouded the atmosphere. Tobi, suddenly wary, takes a step back, "Hehe? S-sempai?" He laughed nervously, not recognizing the danger he was in. Even Sasori and Itachi on their side of the room curiously glanced up to see what poor fellow was going to have his ass handed to him.

He manages to pull on a strange, distorted smile. "Oh Tobi, you should have just left me be from day one, un!" He quickly lunges forward, and grasps his hands around Tobi's neck in a vice grip. Deidara laughed maniacally, there was crazy in his eyes. While he strangled Tobi, his hand-mouths also started gnawing at his neck, but the collar prevented any real damage.

"Ech! S-sem-p-pai! T-that t-tickles! Gasp! C-can't b-breath!" Tobi, still wheezing and gasping, lets go of Deidara's wrists. He brought down his hands and quickly did a few hand signs. Poof! Tobi disappeared. With the sudden emptiness before him, Deidara stumbled a bit before steadying himself. He glanced around angrily but knew the masked man was now someplace else. As Itachi witnessed this, he found himself slightly amused, subconsciously letting out a faint "Hn." Caught off guard, he quickly recovered, bewildered that he had shown this much emotion since who know's when. This all happened so fast, even Sasori, who was next to him, didn't notice the microscopically brief change in his snack buddy.

Back to Deidara, he was frustrated. He made his way over to the other side of the room to rest on the couch, "That stupid sonofa.. Just wait when I'm done with him, he'd have no head to wear that stupid mask of his, un!" He started to lower himself onto the seat.

"I wouldn't sit there if I were you." Deidara, caught off guard, jumped, '_What now?_' Suspecting déjà vu, he looks up. No one. Sasori and Itachi were still creepily eating cookies in silence. Kakuzu was now trying to fight off both men; apparently they decided to gang up on him instead.

Perplexed he looks down and noticed there was a potted plant besides the couch. He leans forward, "Zetsu-sama?" Gradually, Zetsu manifested himself out of the flooring between the couch and the plant and stood beside Deidara. "Just thought I should say something. If you'd prefer not to have an ass-ful of glass shards." Zetsu looks over at him and smiles, razor sharp teeth, glistening in the light. '_**We should've let him sit, his blood would smell so mouthwatering.**_' The dark side of Zetsu thought. '_There will be other chances._' The light Zetsu replied back.

Deidara shuddered as the image of human flesh being gnawed between his teeth and fresh, warm blood dripping down his chin darted across his mind. He didn't really feel comfortable talking to the cannibal, but he seemed genuinely kind. He glances at the couch and saw that there were indeed sharp protruding shards of glass in and on the couch's cushions. This assured him, "Oh wow. Uh thanks! Haha, you just saved me a trip to Kakuzu's creepy little office! Haha!" He laughed nervously, and rubbed the back of his head.

What he said gave Zetsu a wonderful idea. "Well, we do have medicinal ninjutsu capabilities besides Kakuzu. If you'd like, we can be your preferred medics instead." Zetsu had to refrain from licking his lips as the thought of Deidara wounded on his bed, needing Zetsu's capable hands on him. He smiled again; acutely aware of the shudders he was giving Deidara. '_**Hm, he looks extremely tempting when he does that.**__ Yes, he is quite adorable. **Wonder what else we can make him do**_.' A image of Deidara sprawled in his bed, biting his lips and clutching the sheets, with a bleeding wound on his chest, "_Zetsu.. The bleeding, please stop the bleeding, un._" Zetsu rushes to the blonde, caressing his chest with his lips, and laps up the warm, sweet blood... Deidara moaned, arousing the two-toned man further. He could taste the adrenaline in the blonde's blood. "**Mm.. you're so irresistible, Deidei-kun.. **Yes, so sweet.."

As Zetsu's thoughts ran explicit, Deidara was pondering Zetsu's offer. Completely oblivious to the man's dreamlike expression. '_Well,_ c_ompared to Kakuzu, Zetsu-sama as a medic is much more appealing. And he's part plant so he probably has a more extensive knowledge on medicine than Kakuzu. Who, on the other hand, would most likely worsen my injuries..' _He weighed it some more and made up his mind. "Ok, sure why not? From here on out, if there's a wound or injury I can't handle myself, I'll come to you then, un." He smiles innocently as he said this. Seeing this made the two-toned man's heart skip a beat. '_**The hell was that?**__ I don't know either but I'm starting to feel a bit strange. **Yea, that was s**__**o fucking weird. **__I know, he's really something else._' He thought to himself warily.

"Hey, did you hear me, un?" Deidara gives him a look of concern. "Hm? Oh yes. We're glad you've decided to place your trust in us with your health needs, tis all." Zetsu decided to cut the conversation short even though he'd rather not leave Deidara's side. He needed to get away from the blonde's intoxicating aroma soon or risk losing his composure. "**Well, if you don't mind we have some things to tend to.** We'll be around if you need us." Zetsu quickly started to leave, or in his case, sink back into the floor. Deidara called after him. "Alright then, see you around. Oh! and thanks, un!" He thought to himself, '_Well, he wasn't so bad at all! What a nice guy._'

"Well, wasn't that the most fucking, cutest thing you ever saw?" Deidara, still standing, spins around to see Hidan, Kisame and Kakuzu making their way over together as if they hadn't been fighting to the death earlier. Hidan was grinning in the most arrogant and teasing way. Kakuzu and Kisame were right behind him, appearing quite amused. Kisame and Hidan tossed their "weapons" onto the couch. "What are you on about? We were just talking, un."

Hidan spoke again, "What's with the defensiveness? What, did you think we didn't know you were back here the whole time?" He laughs raucously and slicks back his wet hair, "C'mon! How'd the fuck did you expect us to ignore that shiny fucking new chakra you're emanating, huh?" He nods at Kisame for confirmation. "He's right, you know. I could already sense your chakra when you entered the corridors. If you want, I could give some pointers." The giant shark man said with a predatory grin, his arms folded across his chest.

"Stop acting so masculine you pansies, you knew he was on the way when I came back. Just ignore them, they love to feel superior at any paltry opportunities." Kakuzu directed both said men a narrowed glance before turning to leave. They faked a smile at him. "Where are you going?" Kisame asked. Kakuzu pauses at the door, "I'm hungry. Plus, I can't stand being in here with all this shit. Someone needs to clean it up. Soon." He left it at that and exited the room. Leaving Deidara with the crazy blue fish guy and the potty-mouthed psycho. They reverted their attention back to the smaller, blonde man grinning like they knew some little secret. "So what were you and the fucking aloe-vera "talking_"_ about?"

"Um, I don't see how that's any of your business. But just to clarify, we were simply talking about choosing health plans and stuff, un." Deidara was feeling a bit edgy by their overbearing atmosphere, so he tried to change the subject. "So what the hell happened here? I would've asked the others but they were either ignoring me or annoying me, un." Sidetracked, Hidan raises an eyebrow, "Ha! Funny you should ask! Oi! Kisame, why don't you explain to him what happened that got your ass whooped, huh?" Kisame glared at Hidan, "That's not what happened you liar. Fucking Hidan here didn't eat breakfast before coming here so the dumb-ass got hungry waiting for y-." Kisame tries to explain further but Hidan cuts him off.

"So there I was fucking starving and bored out of my mind! Because of you, fucking sleepyhead! Anyways, so I thought since Kisame's a fish I should fuck with him and see what he does!" He stops to laugh loudly, holding his sides, "So I said to him, 'Go get me some fucking shark fin soup!' and I handed him a fucking fishing rod!" He laughs some more, wiping his eye with a finger, "HAHA! The fucking prick took it up his anal fin and tried to fucking skewer me with it! But the faggot missed! And instead whacked Pain right in the head! It was just a fucking joke, but after that everyone freaked out."

Hearing this, Deidara's mouth unhinged. '_Where does he get his ideas from? It barely makes any sense! And the trouble he's caused in such a short time!_' He looks at Kisame to see him standing there with an anxious look on his face, "It's true, the stupid sonofabitch made me miss and hit Pain. and it broke too! But for some reason it didn't affect him, physically." Deidara hung onto every word, deeply interested and appalled. Kisame looks sincerely apologetic, "I mean, I was really trying to ram it home, you know, to give Hidan what was coming to him. But he just absorbed the impact like a sponge!"

Hidan continues for Kisame. "Yea it was fucking amazing! Pain got so fucking pissed; he used his fucking _Shinra Tensei jutsu_ and threw us all back! It was fucking sick!" Hidan was just nodding his head slightly, remembering it all. He never knew what sort of capabilities the leader had possessed but he knew now an extent how powerful his jutsus are. He remembers his thoughts he had earlier, '_So that was the reason why all the furniture and stuff were pushed out like that! _As the three were deep in thought and conversation, they didn't realized they were being listened to since the beginning. The two eavesdropping men having finished their snacking, began to rise and brush off the crumbs eventually making their way towards the unsuspecting group.

"But if you guys were already fighting, how did Kakuzu get in the middle of it? Wasn't he with me when this all happened, un?" Kisame chuckled, "Oh yeah, that. Uh, let's see. Konan had to lead Pain out of here cause he was getting a headache. When this was going on, Kakuzu came back. Pain told him to take care of things. I think he meant Hidan.. But hehe, I can't be too sure, I mean I did hit him pretty hard. Ok well, when Kakuzu saw the room, he went ballistics and started to interrogate us." Hidan and Kisame glanced at each other simultaneously sharing some thought of mutual dislike. Deidara nods; he understood why Kakuzu would be so pissed. The man didn't like to waste the spending budget on such trivial situations that could have been avoided.

Sasori interjected at this momentary pause. "While he was questioning us, those two were at it again, causing further damage. So that's how the man got himself into it all." The three men looks back, Sasori and Itachi were six steps behind them and closing in. Sasori turns to Deidara, "He just started on them when you walked in." Hidan had on a surprised but amused expression, "Well aren't you a talkative one today? And to what do we owe this fucking honor? Haha!" Sasori narrows his eyes at Hidan, "When I told you that you couldn't borrow my fishing rod, I didn't think you'd go and take it anyways. And you also managed to get it broken. Maybe I should poison your food tonight, and have you immobile as my personal puppet for a couple of days. That ought to teach you a lesson."

At this Itachi almost smiled. Almost. But everyone saw anyways and was shocked. Except for Sasori, he could have care less, he just examined his nails.. Itachi cursed, _'Damn it, all the years it took me to establish my rep is now falling apart in mere minutes! It's all his fault, that blonde hair and the stupid blue eyes. Gah! What the hell am I thinking?' _He reacted quickly nipping it in the bud before the situation got out of hand. "Say anything and I'll have you all spend a month in agony right now." Itachi calmly says, unblinking. He moved a strand of hair out of his face to show his sharingan was activated as if to assure them that this wasn't an empty threat. All three piped up instantly, "No, of course not, un!" and "What the fuck are you talking about?" and "Hehe, I didn't see anything." All men nervously nodded at each other in agreement, feigning innocence. The sight of the three made Itachi smile inside. _Deep inside_. "Hn."

Hidan spoke up, "Hey Pinocchio, I can get you a fucking new rod so stop overreacting you pussy." Sasori shook his head, "It was made from a special type of wood that is now extinct. The one you broke today, was the last known remnant. Quite priceless. Expect to make it up to me soon." Itachi starts to exit the room with Sasori following suit.

"…" The three were speechless. Just amazed at the events that had occurred today, and it was only lunchtime. Kisame broke the silence, "Dude, it's the new guy's fault." He looks at Deidara, who glared back at him. "What do you mean by 'the new guy's fault', un?" Hidan politely explained in his impolite manner. "He fucking means that if it weren't for you, Deidara-_chan_, none of this would've happened."

"I'm not a girl so don't call me that, un! And I didn't even do anything so don't go pointing fingers at me, un!" Deidara was baffled at why almost everyone seemed to have it out for him, good or bad. "No, it's true, you are becoming quite an influence." Kisame grins, "It's about time we got some entertainment around here! Am I right or what?" Kisame socks Hidan in his arm, "Ah shit, fucktard! You just hit me where you whacked me with the rod you bloody fuck! Do it again!" He was smiling sadistically, enjoying the pain.. "Dude, you're being fucking weird again." Kisame scooted farther from Hidan, getting closer to Deidara. His arm almost bumped into the smaller man's shoulder.

"Hm, Kisame, for a fish-man out of water, you don't smell fishy at all, un." He chuckled at the irony. Hidan's mouth dropped opened, "Oi, Kisame, I think the pretty boy here just gave you a fucking compliment. Haha! You should thank Jashin-sama for the miracle!" Hidan said, arrogantly laughing. "Haha. Man if only you weren't so fucking ugly the women wouldn't always be flocking to me or Deidara-chan here! Haha!" He laughed some more, holding his sides. Deidara bit back a smile, it was too offensive to be funny, but still he couldn't deny that Hidan was right. His laughters receded as he realized the mermaid-man didn't hit him or make some smart-ass comeback. "Huh?"

Kisame stood there with his head down, brooding. The comments Hidan made really hit a nerve. "I know I'm not really popular with the ladies. But did you really have to say stupid shit like that, you prick?" The Jashinist steps back from the depressed fish-man, creeped out. Deidara didn't know how to react, so he tried to say something nice. He genuinely tried. "Heey! Look on the bright side! Since you don't smell fishy, you could at least get near them enough so they'd have to see your face first before you scare them away, un? Oh! Or you could start wearing a mask like Tobi or Kakuzu!"

This was too much for Kisame to handle. His bruised self-esteem was at a new low. All the tears he had held back for years welled up and spilled over. "You guys are fucking jerks! Sob!" Then held his face as he ran out of the room.

"..." Hidan gawked at the blonde. Deidara grew uncomfortable, "What are you looking at me like that for, un?" The gawk turns into a full on grin. "That was _the most_ _fucking_ awesomest thing I have _ever_ seen!" Beaming from ear to ear, he was thinking of ways to get his new friend to convert to Jashinism! "What? No! It was misunderstanding. You see, I didn't mean to hurt h-." Deidara tried to explain but it fell on deaf ears and was rudely interrupted.

"Aw! Don't be so fucking modest Deidara-chan! Any man with the fucking balls to make another man cry is a friend of mine! Haha! Oh! I can just fucking imagine the times we'll be having!" He paused for a quick breath. Remembering he hadn't eaten and it was already lunchtime. "Hey, lets go get a snack or some shit. I'm fucking starving!" Deidara couldn't comprehend what had just happened but the mention of food got him excited, too. So he just gave in, besides, he'd rather be on good terms with the psycho than bad. He made a mental note to straighten things out with Kisame later.

"Ok, yeah, I'm pretty hungry, too. Oh! I remember Sasori-san and Itachi had some cookies earlier! I wouldn't mind having some either! What do you say, un?" He heads toward the exit, looking back at Hidan. "That's exactly what I was thinking!" He ambled towards Deidara and put a hand on the blonde's shoulder. "Hm, great minds think alike, eh? Well what are you waiting for? Let's have us some cookies!" Deidara smiles as the exited. "And with milk, un!" Hidan violently slammed the door shut behind them thus causing the door to tremble and fall off it's hinge. They looked back at the door then at each other. "Hehe, whoopsies!" Hidan grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. Deidara just shook his head, far too amused to say much. "Let's just go get those cookies, un." They walked away side by side, talking and laughing, and occasionally shoving one another.

Back in the room, a jealous aura permeated the atmosphere. A large and shadowed figure emerges from between the potted plant and the couch. '**We should't have left him alone, now the fucker's all over our little blonde. **Well, maybe they're just friends. **Only one way to find out.**' They agreed in silence and slipped out of the room, trailing the unsuspecting pair.

* * *

Oh hohoho! I believe I've begun to unearth an interesting plot... Hm.. What are your opinions/suggestions? Was it also Zetsu that was under the bed earlier? Where the hell did Tobi go? Is Itachi being "influenced" by the new guy also? Will Kisame be alright? What exactly are Hidan's feelings for Deidara? Hm.. One last question. What kind of cookies will they be having? LOLZ! I'm kinda hungry now.. XP PS: ANONYMOUS REVIEWS ARE ENABLED! Just so you know.. I know how many peoples been reading my ish.. GRR!


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